I Made A Mistake

This scenario has weighed heavily in my heart for a few days and I guess I need to get it off of my chest.


Neil had last Thursday afternoon off and we were out with Allyson running errands. It began to rain, so I ran into the grocery store to pick up some odds and ends quickly while Neil and Ally waited in the car. I had five items in my hands and swiftly made a break for the express lane. As I dawdled in the check out lane, I shamelessly glanced at the tabloids wondering who the heck half these people were (shame on you John Travolta by the way). It seemed bordering on forever for the “express line” as a woman and her young daughter joined the line. I quickly noticed that her cart had more than the 12 items the sign directed, but shrugged it off. Soon after, an older man arrived. Given that I was bored, I glanced back as the man remarked, ”This is the express line?” Assuming he was referring to the length of time it was taking, I nodded and smirked. However, he then directed his comments specifically at the woman behind me who happened to have on a khimar ( head scarf), so it was apparent that she was Muslim. “You have more than 12 items there, you do know this is the express line don’t you?” She respectfully replied, “Yes a few more, would you like to go in front of me?” Instantly, the man’s demeanor transformed. As the air surrounding us became overwhelmingly heavy he abrasively proclaimed, “You people make me sick. Just do what you need to do.” All was still as my entire body went numb attempting to process what this seemingly placid older man just uttered. Did I hear what I just heard? Is she still in line after that? What should I say?

Shamefully, I said nothing. Was it because I didn’t want him to say more in front of the young girl? I can’t be sure. Was it because I avoid conflict whenever possible? Perhaps. Was it because I was simply shocked? Most likely. What ever the reason, I am ashamed and I am sorry. This man went over to the manager to complain and the woman stood up for herself as the manager opened another register for the man as he loudly carried on about the injustice of it all.

I can't imagine what it's like to have someone inflict such hatred at me, and I am truly ashamed that I did nothing as it happened in my presence.

I Am Here I Am Here!

Please forgive me for not posting in a while. Life is good!

With school in full swing for the oldest four children, I was convinced I’d have oodles of uninterrupted time to devote to this blog of mine… Not so much!

How can I complain? I am blessed to enjoy days alone with Allyson. She is such a neat little person! The weekends are full as well. In fact, I was just saying to Neil,



"Whose idea was it to have five kids and sign them all up for stuff?
Can't we just become Amish and churn butter?"

He said no, even though I told him he would be really cute with a beard.

A Father's Day I Will Never Forget

The little ones and I let dad sleep in. While daddy slumbered we thoughtfully prepared his favorite breakfast. (Okay, I did most of the work while the kids watched cartoons.) As the bacon began to sizzle, Lindsey and Zach tiptoed into the kitchen to beg for some. “After dad gets his breakfast!” I firmly announced. Needless to say, we fed dad and I went back to cooking. Lindsey snatched up some bacon and made a break for it. I giggled to myself as I pretended not to see her. A minute later I went in to request that she have a picnic on the floor so that our sofa wouldn’t be covered in bacon grease. As I entered the room I noticed that her eyes were unusually wide--panicked you could say. I instantly knew she was choking. “Are you choking?” I quickly asked, but no sound came from her mouth and she didn’t even nod. I spun her around and instinctively performed the heimlich maneuver on her…nothing, all I heard was a little gurgle and me praying in my head. I did it again…nothing . After the third attempt I felt as if my entire body was on fire and as I began the forth time, decided that I would scream “Call 9-1-1!!!,” but before I could, a huge chunk of fatty bacon shot out of her mouth and landed with a large splat on the floor. “Can I have a drink, my throat hurts?” Lindsey calmly asked. She had no idea the severity of the situation at all. Numbly, I got the drink then raced up the stairs to Neil. Shaking from head to toe I burst into tears as I tightly hugged him. It was a full minute before I could even blurt out what had just happened. I have never performed the heimlich maneuver on anyone before, let alone my own child. Thank you God for helping me stay calm I can’t imagine my life with out Lindsey in it.

Milestones

It was a beautiful Tuesday afternoon when I discovered a little cash in my pocket. Since our second grader (Zach) seemed a bit down in the dumps when we arrived home, I thought I would bring our three youngest children out for lunch. We seldom go out to eat these days and I figured it would make his day a little bit brighter. After walking for what seemed like days because our three year old is completely awestruck by nature, Zach’s whole demeanor changed for the better. His sweet face lit up even more when he noticed a few of his buddies were already there as we arrived. We ordered our food and then my excited boy turned to me and asked if he could sit at the table with his friends. Without skipping a beat, I softly handed him his lunch and off he went. While I may have looked composed on the outside, on the inside I thought, Does this have to happen so soon? Zachary is our third child, so I have been through this before and while I fully recognize the whole autonomy thing, it remains a tricky subject for me. (In fact I am positive that I would make a terrible mother bird. The thought of letting my little hatchlings fledge for themselves after only a few weeks is appalling. My nest would be freakishly enormous not to mention insanely loud and probably overloaded with an abundance of extra feathers and random worm particles.)

I decided it best to sit with my back to him. I knew that my role in this circumstance wasn’t to hover, so I pretended that I wasn’t paying attention as he ate with his pals. (Boy did I wish I had one of those Whisper 2000 thingamajigs.) All was going relatively well until his friends had to leave, and instead of rejoining us at our table, he finished his meal by himself. I didn’t see that one coming I thought as I attempted to swallow the enormous lump in my throat. It was a bittersweet moment. He felt self-confident enough to eat by himself, yet I really wanted him to return to our table. As we finished, Zach appeared beside me “You ready?” my bright eyed eight year old asked while loudly slurping the last of his drink. “We sure are Zach, are you?” I replied, trying to act unflustered. He responded by tenderly saying thanks, and my broken heart was instantly repaired.

Believe it or not, I am making progress in this area. We recently took the crib down after 14 years. Our youngest (Allyson) moved into her big girl bed and it only took me about a month before I eventually felt ready to dismantle it. That crib was such a poignant staple in our home, so this pronouncement wasn’t an easy one. Luckily my husband Neil was very understanding. (Either that or he just didn’t want to deal with a weeping wife.) On that day I blurted, “I am ready for you to take it down, but I don’t want to be here when you do it.” Neil simply smiled as if to say, “Finally!” So I went for a walk (alone) and thought about all of the amazing things I was truly grateful for and when I finally returned, the crib was in the attic and the world was okay.

It might be a good idea to embark on the future instead of on the past, especially since our oldest is heading off to high school in the fall. (Would it be inappropriate to ride the train in with him on the first day of school? Don’t answer that.) I am ready…I think. I am ready to accept that my hatchlings will eventually leave the nest and until that time it’s my job to help them all to learn how to fly. (As long as I don’t have to teach them how to parallel park we will be okay…I think.)

I Love You Allyson

My sweet baby girl. I know, I know, you aren't a baby anymore, but
you will always be my baby. Thank you Ally. Thank you for giving
me the amazing gift of carrying a child inside of me one last time. Thank
you for warming your dad's tender heart. Most of all, thank you for the
gift of you. Our family is joyfully complete because of you. We are blessed.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLYSON

There Is a Reason

This morning at Mass our pastor recited a poem near the end of his sermon that touched a chord with me.

I thought that I would share it with you.


There is a reason:
For every pain, that we must bear,
For every burden, every care.

For every grief, that bows the head,
For every tear-drop that is shed.

For every hurt, for every plight,
For every lonely, pain racked night.

There's a reason

Buf if we TRUST GOD,
As we should, It will all
work out for our good.

He knows the reason


Happy Mother's Day

Scattterbrain

Please tell me I am not the only person who does this!

I will begin a task…let’s say I am putting laundry away. (Usually I have the kids do this, but there are times when I do it just because I am behind schedule and I want to check it off of my list.) So I grab a pile from the table in the kitchen and begin my journey to the stairs. I march by the computer desk and notice that one of the kids left a toy on the desk so I put the laundry down and pick up the toy and bring it to the toy box. When I enter the playroom I realize that the entertainment center is really dusty so I set off to the kitchen to grab a rag. I catch a glimpse of the laundry and it reminds me that I need to put the clothes away. Then I make my way back to the desk and get the clothing to put away. When I tread past the bathroom on my way back from putting the laundry away. I notice that the sink in the bathroom is covered in toothpaste. So I grab a wipe from under the sink and begin to clean up the toothpaste. Then the phone rings and….you get the point, right? So by the end of the day I am not really sure what I did that day because the entertainment center is still dusty and the laundry is only half done!

I am a hopeless scatterbrain.