I Made A Mistake

This scenario has weighed heavily in my heart for a few days and I guess I need to get it off of my chest.


Neil had last Thursday afternoon off and we were out with Allyson running errands. It began to rain, so I ran into the grocery store to pick up some odds and ends quickly while Neil and Ally waited in the car. I had five items in my hands and swiftly made a break for the express lane. As I dawdled in the check out lane, I shamelessly glanced at the tabloids wondering who the heck half these people were (shame on you John Travolta by the way). It seemed bordering on forever for the “express line” as a woman and her young daughter joined the line. I quickly noticed that her cart had more than the 12 items the sign directed, but shrugged it off. Soon after, an older man arrived. Given that I was bored, I glanced back as the man remarked, ”This is the express line?” Assuming he was referring to the length of time it was taking, I nodded and smirked. However, he then directed his comments specifically at the woman behind me who happened to have on a khimar ( head scarf), so it was apparent that she was Muslim. “You have more than 12 items there, you do know this is the express line don’t you?” She respectfully replied, “Yes a few more, would you like to go in front of me?” Instantly, the man’s demeanor transformed. As the air surrounding us became overwhelmingly heavy he abrasively proclaimed, “You people make me sick. Just do what you need to do.” All was still as my entire body went numb attempting to process what this seemingly placid older man just uttered. Did I hear what I just heard? Is she still in line after that? What should I say?

Shamefully, I said nothing. Was it because I didn’t want him to say more in front of the young girl? I can’t be sure. Was it because I avoid conflict whenever possible? Perhaps. Was it because I was simply shocked? Most likely. What ever the reason, I am ashamed and I am sorry. This man went over to the manager to complain and the woman stood up for herself as the manager opened another register for the man as he loudly carried on about the injustice of it all.

I can't imagine what it's like to have someone inflict such hatred at me, and I am truly ashamed that I did nothing as it happened in my presence.

I Am Here I Am Here!

Please forgive me for not posting in a while. Life is good!

With school in full swing for the oldest four children, I was convinced I’d have oodles of uninterrupted time to devote to this blog of mine… Not so much!

How can I complain? I am blessed to enjoy days alone with Allyson. She is such a neat little person! The weekends are full as well. In fact, I was just saying to Neil,



"Whose idea was it to have five kids and sign them all up for stuff?
Can't we just become Amish and churn butter?"

He said no, even though I told him he would be really cute with a beard.

A Father's Day I Will Never Forget

The little ones and I let dad sleep in. While daddy slumbered we thoughtfully prepared his favorite breakfast. (Okay, I did most of the work while the kids watched cartoons.) As the bacon began to sizzle, Lindsey and Zach tiptoed into the kitchen to beg for some. “After dad gets his breakfast!” I firmly announced. Needless to say, we fed dad and I went back to cooking. Lindsey snatched up some bacon and made a break for it. I giggled to myself as I pretended not to see her. A minute later I went in to request that she have a picnic on the floor so that our sofa wouldn’t be covered in bacon grease. As I entered the room I noticed that her eyes were unusually wide--panicked you could say. I instantly knew she was choking. “Are you choking?” I quickly asked, but no sound came from her mouth and she didn’t even nod. I spun her around and instinctively performed the heimlich maneuver on her…nothing, all I heard was a little gurgle and me praying in my head. I did it again…nothing . After the third attempt I felt as if my entire body was on fire and as I began the forth time, decided that I would scream “Call 9-1-1!!!,” but before I could, a huge chunk of fatty bacon shot out of her mouth and landed with a large splat on the floor. “Can I have a drink, my throat hurts?” Lindsey calmly asked. She had no idea the severity of the situation at all. Numbly, I got the drink then raced up the stairs to Neil. Shaking from head to toe I burst into tears as I tightly hugged him. It was a full minute before I could even blurt out what had just happened. I have never performed the heimlich maneuver on anyone before, let alone my own child. Thank you God for helping me stay calm I can’t imagine my life with out Lindsey in it.

Milestones

It was a beautiful Tuesday afternoon when I discovered a little cash in my pocket. Since our second grader (Zach) seemed a bit down in the dumps when we arrived home, I thought I would bring our three youngest children out for lunch. We seldom go out to eat these days and I figured it would make his day a little bit brighter. After walking for what seemed like days because our three year old is completely awestruck by nature, Zach’s whole demeanor changed for the better. His sweet face lit up even more when he noticed a few of his buddies were already there as we arrived. We ordered our food and then my excited boy turned to me and asked if he could sit at the table with his friends. Without skipping a beat, I softly handed him his lunch and off he went. While I may have looked composed on the outside, on the inside I thought, Does this have to happen so soon? Zachary is our third child, so I have been through this before and while I fully recognize the whole autonomy thing, it remains a tricky subject for me. (In fact I am positive that I would make a terrible mother bird. The thought of letting my little hatchlings fledge for themselves after only a few weeks is appalling. My nest would be freakishly enormous not to mention insanely loud and probably overloaded with an abundance of extra feathers and random worm particles.)

I decided it best to sit with my back to him. I knew that my role in this circumstance wasn’t to hover, so I pretended that I wasn’t paying attention as he ate with his pals. (Boy did I wish I had one of those Whisper 2000 thingamajigs.) All was going relatively well until his friends had to leave, and instead of rejoining us at our table, he finished his meal by himself. I didn’t see that one coming I thought as I attempted to swallow the enormous lump in my throat. It was a bittersweet moment. He felt self-confident enough to eat by himself, yet I really wanted him to return to our table. As we finished, Zach appeared beside me “You ready?” my bright eyed eight year old asked while loudly slurping the last of his drink. “We sure are Zach, are you?” I replied, trying to act unflustered. He responded by tenderly saying thanks, and my broken heart was instantly repaired.

Believe it or not, I am making progress in this area. We recently took the crib down after 14 years. Our youngest (Allyson) moved into her big girl bed and it only took me about a month before I eventually felt ready to dismantle it. That crib was such a poignant staple in our home, so this pronouncement wasn’t an easy one. Luckily my husband Neil was very understanding. (Either that or he just didn’t want to deal with a weeping wife.) On that day I blurted, “I am ready for you to take it down, but I don’t want to be here when you do it.” Neil simply smiled as if to say, “Finally!” So I went for a walk (alone) and thought about all of the amazing things I was truly grateful for and when I finally returned, the crib was in the attic and the world was okay.

It might be a good idea to embark on the future instead of on the past, especially since our oldest is heading off to high school in the fall. (Would it be inappropriate to ride the train in with him on the first day of school? Don’t answer that.) I am ready…I think. I am ready to accept that my hatchlings will eventually leave the nest and until that time it’s my job to help them all to learn how to fly. (As long as I don’t have to teach them how to parallel park we will be okay…I think.)

I Love You Allyson

My sweet baby girl. I know, I know, you aren't a baby anymore, but
you will always be my baby. Thank you Ally. Thank you for giving
me the amazing gift of carrying a child inside of me one last time. Thank
you for warming your dad's tender heart. Most of all, thank you for the
gift of you. Our family is joyfully complete because of you. We are blessed.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLYSON

There Is a Reason

This morning at Mass our pastor recited a poem near the end of his sermon that touched a chord with me.

I thought that I would share it with you.


There is a reason:
For every pain, that we must bear,
For every burden, every care.

For every grief, that bows the head,
For every tear-drop that is shed.

For every hurt, for every plight,
For every lonely, pain racked night.

There's a reason

Buf if we TRUST GOD,
As we should, It will all
work out for our good.

He knows the reason


Happy Mother's Day

Scattterbrain

Please tell me I am not the only person who does this!

I will begin a task…let’s say I am putting laundry away. (Usually I have the kids do this, but there are times when I do it just because I am behind schedule and I want to check it off of my list.) So I grab a pile from the table in the kitchen and begin my journey to the stairs. I march by the computer desk and notice that one of the kids left a toy on the desk so I put the laundry down and pick up the toy and bring it to the toy box. When I enter the playroom I realize that the entertainment center is really dusty so I set off to the kitchen to grab a rag. I catch a glimpse of the laundry and it reminds me that I need to put the clothes away. Then I make my way back to the desk and get the clothing to put away. When I tread past the bathroom on my way back from putting the laundry away. I notice that the sink in the bathroom is covered in toothpaste. So I grab a wipe from under the sink and begin to clean up the toothpaste. Then the phone rings and….you get the point, right? So by the end of the day I am not really sure what I did that day because the entertainment center is still dusty and the laundry is only half done!

I am a hopeless scatterbrain.

Zach's First Holy Communion

(getting ready)



Here is my sweet boy in his "lucky socks." (I pick my battles...God loves him regardless of his footwear.)





Doesn't he look absolutely thrilled? LOL





Here is Lindsey practicing for her day in a couple of years...



And sweet Ally (waiting for her hair to be braided) wondering what is going on?






Our two oldest were a bit camera shy, but I think I can post a few family ones soon.


It was a glorious day.

God Bless you Zachary. He will always be with you.

Update

In an earlier post I expressed uncertainty regarding our son Ryan and his high school education. Well, he is going to attend his dream school! Thank you for your prayers and encouraging words.

Keeping Americans Safe

If you were Gov. Jan Brewer of Arizona, what would YOU do? The citizens of her state overwhelmingly agree with her position and support the bill that makes it a crime to be in our country illegally. The law requires Arizona residents to present documentation of citizenship. The federal government has failed the people of Arizona (who are not racist by the way, they merely want LEGAL immigration.) Ugly crimes are seeping into their state at an alarming rate and the law abiding citizens have repeatedly pleaded for help. The governor is simply doing her job. I applaud Governor Brewer for her bravery and encourage the legal residents of Arizona to stay strong.

What is the Plural of Circus?

Our family was disconnected today. Neil had the girls with his sister at the circus, while I had the pleasure of spending the day with my boys. Our crew had a very nice time together. We hung out at the house for a bit then went to visit my dearest friend Melissa. She has two adorable cats (her husband Paul is adorable too, but he wasn’t there). Zach really enjoys playing with the less introverted of the two cats Bruschi. Bruschi’s brother Pop Tart didn’t peek his bashful little self down to say hello today, but maybe next time. We then trekked up the street to muck around for a bit at what the kid’s lovingly refer to as “Melissa’s Park.” It was lots of fun! We made a well timed departure… just as a thunderstorm rolled in! Zach and I love to watch out for lightening. After that I bribed the boys to come run some errands with me before we took Ryan to soccer practice. As we ran errands Neil sent me some pictures from the circus...

Cute huh?

Yummy

And then this one really cracked me up!

He wrote, "Having a GREAT time!" under this one.

It looks like Neil isn't a huge fan of the circus. 

As the boys and I were returning home, Ryan wondered why he wrote that?  I replied,

"I guess your dad has been to one too many circuses...or is it circi?"  The three of us burst out laughing!

We like circi...just because.

The Hike

Our family enjoyed a lovely day together. Neil abandoned his typical “Whatever you want to do,” way of thinking and suggested we spend the day at a local nature museum. I appreciated that I didn’t need to decide on the plan this time. And to my amazement not a single fight over seats or radio station transpired as we traveled to our destination. This may actually work out the way I envisioned it I thought to myself as we pulled into the parking lot. How nice to escape the hustle and bustle of life and simply relax and enjoy beautiful scenery together as a family

We explored and observed for a while, (We all loved watching Allyson’s wide eyes. She found everything fascinating…especially the otter. He was very cute!) Then we decided to go on a mile hike up the mountain. Boy was that an interesting adventure! Ryan (above) climbed up a tree in the middle of the woods! (Which was hilarious because when he reached the top, his cell phone rang and he actually answered it!  Now I couldn't exactly express my amusement at that moment because I didn't want the rest of the crew to attempt a climb too...but it was pretty funny.) And sweet Allyson nearly made it the whole way up the mountain but ran out of steam right before we made it to the top! Em, Zach and Lindsey effortlessly dashed the whole way! ("Oh to be young again!" Ryan said.) I will admit that I became a little unnerved at times when we needed to scale huge rocks with Allyson in tow but luckily Neil was his cool as a cucumber self.

After our enthralling hour long expedition we said farewell to our new friend the otter and ventured back to the car…Where the kids proceeded to bicker over seats and radio stations. Well, at least we had a fleeting period of tranquility.

Ick

As I lethargically set foot into the kitchen this morning the stench of something entered my nostrils. I cleaned the cabinets (all two of them), scrubbed the floor, emptied the fridge, yet was unable to find the culprit. Maybe Neil is hiding a dead body under the floor boards? Or perhaps Allyson needs a bath.

Update:  I discovered what it was...forgotten broccoli.  Man was it stinky.

Devastation

Here are a few pictures from an area fairly close to us.
We had three days of pounding rain and these poor people have lost almost everything. For some, not only did their basement flood, but
it seeped up into their homes, their cars, campers, boilers...all ruined. Many of these families are friends of ours and classmates to our children.
Just days before, we were together at a special gathering sharing laughs and great conversation.

It doesn't seem fair. Prayers just don't seem enough.

(Above)

The water came so quickly that it surprised these poor souls.  They were unable to

safely leave their homes without help. 

This pool belongs to a co-worker of  Neil's.  That fence is a six foot fence!

     Neil took this one at the top of the hill.  On the far right is the park where our kids like to play, it looked more like a river.  If you attempted to go down that hill, you would be up to your shoulders in water.

It is a blessing that everyone made it out safely, but devastating to observe such destruction. 

One of the teachers from the school stopped by tonight and mentioned a fund raiser to help the families from our school.  That is a start, I suppose. 

Miracles Happen

As I frantically scrubbed the floor this morning (I do this when I am stressed out) toiling over an important decision, something unbelievable happened!

Since elementary school, our oldest son has asked to attend a local private school. I am not sure where the idea came from since Neil and I hadn’t planned for our children to go to private school. We merely encourage our children to try their best in school and make it a priority of ours to give them all of the tools necessary to succeed. My guess is a teacher may have planted the seed. (I say this because on more than one occasion his teachers have mentioned in passing that he would be a great candidate for this particular school.) Ryan is entering high school in the fall and he asked if he could take the entrance exam and apply. We agreed that he could, but cautioned him that unless he received a scholarship or some significant financial aid to cover the tuition, he would not be able to go.  I deliberated with myself… What am I setting him up for? Is he mature enough to understand this? But then I thought, How many children do I know beg (and I mean beg!) to attend a specific school?

Wouldn’t you know it, he scored extremely well on the exam. In fact they (school) called him and encouraged him to apply! Oy! All of us were incredibly proud, as well as hopeful that he may have earned a significant scholarship and would have the opportunity to attend. As it turned out, Ryan was awarded an honorable merit scholarship and our family was also given financial aid that we are appreciative. Yet, even with the help, being a large family on one income isn’t conducive to a private school education.

Alas as we toured the school and spoke with students, parents, and faculty, I inadvertently fell in love. I understand the endorsement that Ryan’s teachers offered him, and I completely understand why Ryan would want to be a part of this culture. It is truly amazing!

So this morning I was lamenting and praying about this difficult choice before us. In all honesty, I was about to just give up when something caught my ear on the radio. It was an enthusiastic Jesuit priest discussing
St. Ignatius. My sunken heart skipped a beat. The school that Ryan wishes to attend is a Jesuit school and the scholarship that he earned was named after St. Ignatius of Loyola the very same person that was now being discussed! Needless to say, I got my answer. There has to be another door that I haven't opened yet and I am determined to find it.

Happy Birthday Lulu!

I hope that you enjoyed your "cake for breakfast" and your special dinner.  You make my heart smile sweet girl.  Happy sixth birthday!

Scott Brown Wins!

I am overjoyed! Never in my life has my heart been filled with such pride, enthusiasm and excitement as it was while marking my ballot tonight. Massachusetts voted THE PEOPLE'S seat back. Are you listening Washington?

GO SCOTT GO!


Now I realize that my above entry sounds a bit dramatic, but my heart has been broken twice in some recent local elections, and this one was my third swing. Luckily it was a homerun! This race was nasty! If you do a search on Youtube for Martha Coakley ads, you'd be stunned and embarrassed. Not only were they untrue, they were just plain appalling. But this wasn't just about the ads. Scott Brown is a voice. Our voice. Many of us here in Massachusetts felt hopeless as we watched our country turn in a direction that we strongly opposed. Healthcare here in Massachusetts has become outrageously expensive since the law changed for us in 2006. In fact, Massachusetts has the most expensive family health insurance premiums in the country, according to an analysis that highlights the state’s challenge in trying to curb medical costs after passage of the law that mandated coverage for residents. So we know first hand what this proposed healthcare reform bill would mean. We need health insurance reform not health care reform. We also want our elected officials to stop their entitlement mentality. I mean no disrespect to the president when I say, “Take your Czars and shove it.” And to Congress, “We need you to hear us, so LISTEN. You work for us.”

I Just Threw Up in my Mouth

Nice title huh?



Today my papa (He is my step father, but he is the only real father I've ever known.) was having surgery. Thankfully, my brother offered to spend the day with my mom, and then Neil and I planned on going in later. I begged my mom to call me right after the surgery (Sadly, she has a history of forgetting.) All of us have been on edge this week. Papa is well into his seventies and has a history of heart problems and this is a fairly complicated five hour procedure. I understand this isn’t about me, but I just missed the dang call and she didn't leave a message! If everything was fine wouldn’t she leave a message?!



Most of the blame falls on me. I had the phone in my hand but put it down to answer the door and then Allyson called me from upstairs and that is when (of course) she called. What is really sending me over the edge is that she shut her frickin’ phone off and doesn't know how to get voice mail. So now I am left pacing (and blogging to pass time)  and assuming that something went terribly wrong.



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During my rant, the phone rang and it was my mom. 



He is out and okay. Unfortunately, they were unsuccessful and need to go back in on Wednesday. Out of respect for my papa I don't want to plaster his medical history here, but I must say, this is extraordinarily disappointing. At least he is all right.

I am going to have to have a cell phone intervention for my mom later, but right now I will resume my Hail Mary's for papa and stop my online temper tantrum. Thank you for reading this (uncharacteristic of me but absolutely needed) rant. And please, if you think of it, say a little prayer for papa. Thanks.