Looking back to four years ago...

Tomorrow is my dear sweet Lindsey Lulu's birthday. In her honor I would like to post her birth story. I love you Lulu! You have brought such life into our family! With you, we never know what will happen next. LOL! You are cherished sweet girl!


~Lindsey Ann~
January 20, 2004
1:21pm
8lbs 10oz 20.5inches

The phone rings just before 5:00am. It's the hospital letting us know that we are going to have our fourth baby today! "Please be here by 6:00am." they say. I look over at Neil who is half asleep rubbing his eyes and think... I hope that I make him proud today. Neil takes the phone to call his mother. Quickly, (as quick as a beached whale) I jump into the shower. As I massage my belly with a bar of Ivory, I try and enjoy my last hours of being pregnant. The plethora of emotions is amazing. I can't wait to meet my beautiful baby girl, yet I can't help but lament the fact that I will never be pregnant again.( I know mom, I've said THAT before!) I also worry... Will I be a good mom to all four of them? Will I still be able to be a good wife? Will I ever be alone again?

As I try to stretch the bath towel around my ever expanding body for the very last time, I can't help but think, "Where has this pregnancy gone?" The last few weeks have been very uncomfortable and stressful- to say the least. I wont miss being in pain, but I will miss feeling my baby's every move, even if she decided that my bladder was an excellent beanbag chair. Oh, and the special glow that only a pregnant woman has, my glow will be gone.

I write a little note to Ryan and Emily to put in their lunch boxes. Ryan doesn't like when I do this, but I just know that he will appreciate it today. I know Em's will share it with her teacher who will make her feel extra special today. "I love you very much," I write, with lots of X's and O's.

Its 5:30 and Zach (our two year old) wakes up. I give him his juice and change him. I tell him that Nana is coming over to watch a dinosaur movie with him. He seems excited. I tell him that I am going to the doctor's and Nana will take good care of him. My eyes fill up as I think that his life will never be the same. Not long after Neil exits the shower, Nana arrives. God bless her. She notices that Zach is having a hard time and gets the big dinosaur box out to play his favorite game. After a quick kiss and hug to Zachary, we are off!

We are running a bit behind schedule and Neil insists on stopping at the store to get an energy drink. I am annoyed because I don't want to be late. Doh! Oh how I hate to be late...especially when I am having a baby. We arrive at the hospital. I am trying not to ruin this moment by being aggravated with Neil, but the steam is pouring out of my ears. Doh again!

When is this stupid elevator going to open? Neil is staring at the back of my head wondering what my problem is. I can't see him, but I just know he is rolling his eyes. Why can't I just relax and enjoy this time?

We sit down at "check in" ten minutes late. The woman is really nice and making chit chat. As she yaps I am thinking, "Maybe we can blame our tardiness on Miss Skinny Minny Chatty Pants?" Neil had better enjoy his energy drink.

The nurse gets us settled into our room fairly quickly. I am in my johnny feeling a slight breeze on my ever so sexy backside right about now. Neil is pacing already, probably from the flipping energy drink. (Okay, I really need to let it go!) I am getting myself prepared. There are advantages and disadvantages to having done this before. I know that I can handle it, but the thought of going through this again is intimidating to say the least.

The doctor comes in to check me. I am three centimeters. For the love of Pete! I have been three centimeters since conception! This is not my regular doctor, but one that I have seen here at the hospital for every one of my kids. He has a history of not being there when it counts. Let's see what happens this time. He decides to break my water and start the pitocin. So I am all hooked up here watching Good Morning America. I never watch TV during the day so it's kind of a nice treat, I guess.

Neil thinks that they should turn the pitocin up a bit because the contractions aren't really that powerful yet. Huh? Ummmmm...okay buddy, you just sit in the nice comfy chair over there and drink your drink okay?

The room is cold, I can't get comfortable. Neil agrees, and goes to find someone. When a nurse comes in, we ask if she can turn up the heat. A nurse comes in and tries, but it's not working right. During contractions I need to be able to focus, and I can't because I am so cold and Neil is dancing around the room to keep warm.

As the nurse exits to find someone to help with the heat, a contraction briskly takes over my chilled body. I find a speck on the floor to look at during my contractions and I am breathing as well as praying...that is what I do. I say one Our Father, and one Hail Mary. When I am done with the Our Father, I know that the worst is over. However, my husband has decided to dance on my flipping speck! Geesh! I make a hand gesture for him to move, apparently he doesn't see it. Frap, I am trying so hard to remain focused, but for some reason I can't stop laughing, even though the contraction is a doozy, and laughing is making it hurt even more. Neil is baffled. He has no idea what I am doing. He is looking at the monitor and can tell that I am contracting and he’s trying to decipher my hand gesture as well as figure out why I am laughing. Doh! This is the longest freaking' contraction of my four labor career! Isn't it weird, despite being in the worst pain in my life, I am laughing???? Laughing!

Poor Neil, wait a minute...poor me. The nurse brings in her other nurse friend in to see if she can get the radiator to work. Nurse friend bangs on the side a few times and says, "If this doesn't work, we'll have to get the plumber." (The plumber! Oh sure...just what I need to focus. "Hey Gus, What do ya think? Should I squat or lay down to deliver this baby?") No thank you!

Before the next contraction, I try to explain why I was laughing last time. He says "I got it. I will stay out of your way." So here comes another. Oh man! This is not going well. I am saying my Our Father, shivering, breathing, and listening to my husband dancing again, this time away from my speck. Tap tap tap tap tap tap. Man! Since when does my husband dance? He barely danced at our wedding! And what the heck is on the television?! "Husbands Who Cheat," Maury Povitch is on?!

Argggggggggggggggg!!! This is so painful. Focus Kelly focus..... I start to gesture again. This time I don't even know what the heck I am saying. Evidently waving a clenched hand in a circular motion isn't the universal sign for stop tapping your feet dumbass! Lately every sentence that I utter to Neil ends in that word, that’s not a good sign. I have always been so in control during labor. Why isn't this working? I calm down and gently explain that his toe tapping is really annoying me. In fact the lights and television are bothering me. (To be honest your breathing is bothering me buddy.)

So with dim lights and no Maury, the next contraction quickly begins. Hey, this isn't so bad. I'm breathing, I'm praying, my speck is right there and all is well. Phew! That wasn't so bad. As it ends I look over to find Neil crouched in a ball on the floor between the wall and the bed. Oh my Lord! Am I that scary?!! I start to laugh again. Am I on a dang sitcom?

My labor is really getting hard now. Luckily the new nurse knows how to work the heat. I am at 7 centimeters and the contractions are coming every two minutes. The medication that I said that I didn't want is now become incredibly tempting. Should I? Yes, I will. No, I want to do this without medication. I am so cold, despite the heat kicking on and I just can't seem to get in the zone. The nurse brings me warm blankets. Oh my, what a difference that makes!

The doctor comes in to check on us. He says that he is amazed that I am not crying yet. Huh? I guess I will accept those touching words of encouragement and proceed with my labor.. The nurse dims the lights and I am starting to shake. (Hail Mary...at least I'm not singing "Old MacDonald" like my last labor.) My back is really hurting. I roll over and Neil presses on it for me. "More pressure," I say. "Don't move." "Harder please!" "Not there," "Over." I bet he wishes he were back in his corner. The poor guy is afraid to move.

After a few more contractions, I decide to ask for medication. This labor has been so intense and I am not dealing well despite the efforts of Neil, the nurse, the doctor, and an earthy crunchy mid-wife that keeps coming in to check on us. I seriously want to poke her in the eye. I think everyone in the room breaths a sigh of relief as the meds kick in.

I am finally relaxed. I am snoozing in between contractions trying to gain strength for the pushing stage. Ironically, just when I am ready to push, the doctor is no where to be found. Hmmm where have I seen this before? He's in the middle of a c-section. In strolls "Earthy Crunchy Midwife" again. Oy! I am in the middle of a contraction and she starts to talk to me. To her credit, she is incredibly encouraging, but I couldn't stomach the touchy feeliness. Immediately, our nurse reminds her that I don't like to be spoken to. (I think I scared them all.) Crunchy tells me to trust my body, and if I feel like pushing, to push. Well that's all I needed to hear. And with one glove on Crunch has to leap to catch Lindsey. Ironically, just as she comes out, in slides the panting doctor. Man! What a relief!

Oh my goodness! Looking at her made my heart melt on the spot. As she lay on my chest, her body molding into mine. I realize that I am no longer cold. The warmth in the room is almost overwhelming. She's just perfect. They clean her up and hand her to Neil. As I watch him tenderly holding his baby girl I realize why I fell in love with him. I doubt that I made Neil proud today, but judging by look of utter joy in his eyes, I am very certain that Lindsey has!